DRUG DEALER SIMULATOR 2 CASINO DLC REVIEW: ALL-IN ON A BLUFF
Ever wondered what would happen if you took your sprawling, multi-million dollar drug empire and decided to go legit by laundering it through a glamorous new casino, only to find out the casino was built by someone who's never actually seen a poker table and thinks "gameplay" is a four-letter word? Well, the Casino DLC for Drug Dealer Simulator 2 is here to show you exactly how that feels.
A Promise of Power, A Delivery of Disappointment
The dream they sell you is becoming Scarface meets Ocean's Eleven. You, the drug lord of Isla Sombra, expanding your empire to an exclusive casino on a remote oil rig. The reality? You're a glorified errand boy for about an hour. The new questline is a series of tedious, unimaginative fetch quests that feel designed purely to waste your time and push you past the two-hour refund window. Once you slog through that and pay a laughable $4 million fee, the game just hands you the keys and walks away, leaving you the proud owner of... well, not much. The great new experience of being a casino owner never materializes. You just get a trickle of passive income and a VIP room. That's it. It’s a massive, soul-crushingly empty anticlimax.
The Saddest Casino on the High Seas
So the management part is a bust, but surely the gambling is fun, right? Wrong. Holy shit, is it wrong. Let's talk about the poker. Or rather, the sad, pathetic excuse for poker they've included. This isn't Texas Hold'em; it's a game of "All-in or Fold" with two cards. There's no strategy, no reading your opponents, no raising, no turn, no river. It's a fucking coin flip. You might as well just bet on which of your friends will crash to desktop first. It's so embarrassing I wouldn't even show it to my friends, let alone my criminal associates.
The other games are just as bad. The slot machines are a row of identical, soulless, three-reel husks with no bonus rounds, seemingly designed in 1995. The blackjack is so painfully basic you can't even make advanced plays. It's a collection of casino games designed by someone whose only experience with gambling is a single scratch-off lottery ticket they found on the ground.
Janky, Broken, and Barely Holding Together
The whole operation feels as stable as its oil rig foundation. I was getting framerates on a high-end rig that would make a console weep. The boat travel is a buggy mess that sometimes leaves you stranded on the wrong dock, miles away from your car. The slot machine reels don't even align correctly. Hell, there was an infinite money glitch at the roulette table on day one. It's a technical mess that feels like it was rushed out the door with zero quality assurance.
The One Redeeming Feature
I have to give them credit for one single, solitary thing: only the host needs to own the DLC for their whole co-op crew to play. It's a genuinely pro-consumer feature that I wish more developers would adopt. It’s the one high-quality chip in a pile of junk. But it's not enough to save this disaster.
The Verdict
The Casino DLC feels like a hastily thrown-together, low-effort cash grab that fundamentally misunderstands what makes casinos, and casino games, fun. It's a short, shallow, and buggy experience that fails to deliver on every single one of its promises. They named the casino the "Wallet Drainer," and honestly, I've never seen a more accurate case of truth in advertising, because that's exactly what this DLC feels like for the player. Save your money. This is a losing hand.
Score: 2.0/10 - A royal flush of disappointment.
We at NLM received a key for this game for free, this however didn't impact our review in any way.