KINDERGARTEN 3 REVIEW: IT'S WEDNESDAY, MY DUDES, AND THE WEEK IS ALREADY GOING DOWNHILL
Ever wondered what would happen if your favorite chaotic, murderous grade school simulator came back for a third day, but it felt like it had suffered a minor concussion over the weekend? Welcome back to class for Kindergarten 3, a sequel that’s just as funny as its predecessors but feels suspiciously smaller, simpler, and emptier.
The Jokes Still Kill
Let's get one thing straight: this game is still hilarious. If you're here for the signature dark humor and twisted writing, you will not be disappointed. The new teacher who speaks only in rhyming showtunes is a stroke of demented genius, the dialogue is as sharp as ever, and the sheer absurdity of the situations you get into is top-notch. It’s got a fantastic final boss fight, and the core loop of reliving the same day to unravel different violent, convoluted plotlines is still fun. I laughed my ass off.
Recess is Cancelled (And So Are Half the Features)
But after the laughter dies down, you start to notice things are... missing. A lot of things. Remember the awesome playable Monstermon card battle minigame from Kindergarten 2? Gone. Now they're just plushies you collect. Remember the dozens of unlockable outfits you got as a reward for dying in creative ways? Gone. Remember the money management system that added a layer of strategic challenge? Also gone. It feels less like a sequel and more like a stripped-down, "lite" version of the last game. The school itself is smaller, the day is shorter, and many fan-favorite characters like Buggs and Penny are just completely absent without explanation.
The Hand-Holding Is the Real Villain
What really hurts, though, is how insultingly easy the puzzles have become. The original games had these brilliant, complex assignments that made you feel like a goddamn genius for figuring them out. You had to plan your day across multiple periods, setting up dominoes to fall hours later. Here? The game practically holds your hand, pats you on the head, and walks you to the solution. The puzzles are almost always self-contained within a single room or period, removing the strategic depth that made the series so damn compelling. It's less of a puzzle box and more of a "follow the flashing arrow" simulator.
More Money for... Less Game?
And here's the real kick in the teeth: for this smaller, simpler, feature-light experience, you're being charged more than the previous, more robust games. It's a baffling decision that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I had a great time, but I burned through all the content in a fraction of the time it took me to 100% Kindergarten 2. The price just does not match the product. It feels like paying for a gourmet meal and getting a Happy Meal instead—a fun Happy Meal, sure, but not what you paid for.
The Verdict
Look, as a fan of this series, I still enjoyed my time with Kindergarten 3. It's a funny, charming, and competently made game. But I can't shake the deep feeling of disappointment. It's a sequel that inexplicably removes beloved features, dumbs down its core gameplay, and guts its cast, all while asking for more of your money. If you're a die-hard fan who has to see the story through, you'll probably play it anyway. For everyone else, I'd wait for a very, very steep sale, or just go play Kindergarten 2 again. It's just a better game.
Score: 6.5/10 - Still funny, but feels like a significant downgrade.