Here We Go Again: Rockstar Farts in a Crowded Room and Everyone Thinks It’s a Red Dead 2 Remaster
Grab your tinfoil hats and your largest grains of salt, because the Rockstar rumor mill is grinding again. This time, the "evidence" is so thin you could read a newspaper through it, but that's never stopped us before, has it?
Someone, somewhere, with way too much time on their hands, noticed that Rockstar has updated the description on the Red Dead Redemption 2 Steam store page for the first time since 2019. And just like that, the internet has collectively decided that an "Enhanced Edition" for PS5, Xbox Series X, Switch 2, and PC is not just possible, but imminent. We've been down this dusty trail before, but hope is a hell of a drug.
What More Could You Even Add?
My first reaction to this news was a genuine question: what the hell else could they even do to the PC version? The game is already one of the most gorgeous things ever made. But the community, bless their hearts, came prepared with a laundry list of demands.
The big one, of course, is ray tracing. We're talking proper ray-traced global illumination, shadows, and reflections, similar to what they back-ported into GTA V: Enhanced. People are also clamoring for better upscaling tech like DLSS and FSR 4, and for the love of god, an overhaul of the game's blurry TAA implementation that makes hair and foliage look like a watercolor painting. Oh, and apparently, ultra-high-definition horse scrotums. The internet is a weird place.
Beyond the graphical bells and whistles, there are actual problems to fix. The PC port has been plagued with weird graphical glitches, crashes on the Vulkan API, and terrible stuttering on DirectX 12 for years. An "enhanced" version that simply fixes these long-standing issues would almost be enough. Almost.
The 60 FPS Dream
For our console-bound brethren, the dream is much simpler and, frankly, more essential: 60 frames per second. The fact that one of the greatest games ever made is still shackled to 30 FPS on the PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X is a crime against humanity. A proper next-gen patch that finally lets the game run at a smooth 60 FPS would be an instant reason for millions of people to saddle up for another playthrough.
Don't Hold Your Breath, But Maybe Cross Your Fingers
Look, this is Rockstar we're talking about. The change to a store page description is probably just some intern fixing a typo. It could mean absolutely nothing. But with GTA 6 on the horizon, it would make a twisted kind of sense for Rockstar to squeeze a bit more cash out of their last masterpiece to tide us over.
Is it happening? Probably not. But am I going to spend the next few weeks mainlining hopium and dreaming of ray-traced horse asses just like everyone else? You're damn right I am. We'll get this remaster on the same day we get Bloodborne on PC and Half-Life 3. A man can dream, can't he?