TCG MULTIPLAYER CARD SHOP SIMULATOR REVIEW: THE DIGITAL EQUIVALENT OF A FAKE POKÉMON CARD
Ever wondered what would happen if someone saw a good, popular game, decided they could make it themselves but with zero talent, a pirated copy of an AI art generator, and the programming skills of a concussed badger? Well, allow me to introduce you to TCG Multiplayer Card Shop Simulator, a game so shameless in its imitation that my antivirus software tried to stage an intervention when I launched it.
A Familiar, Desperate Stench
Let's not beat around the bush here. This isn't an homage; it's a fucking heist. If you've played the actual TCG Card Shop Simulator by a different, competent developer, then congratulations, you've already played a much better version of this game. The mechanics, the UI, the entire goddamn loop feels less "inspired by" and more "traced over with a crayon." The only thing original here is the sheer audacity to charge money for it, and the pop-up ads for their other copy-paste games that greet you on the main menu. It's a cynical cash grab, plain and simple.
My Eyes Are Bleeding (And So Are My Ears)
The presentation is an assault on the senses. The cards themselves look like they were dreamed up by a broken algorithm that was fed a diet of fantasy clichés and despair. You'll find four different "boar" cards that are just the same blurry, six-legged image with a different name. It's soulless, artless garbage, and you're expected to build a business around it. This visual travesty is accompanied by a soundtrack that consists of what I can only assume is a 12-second MIDI file playing on an eternal loop, drilling its way into your skull until you welcome the sweet, sweet release of a game crash.
A Technical Dumpster Fire
Playing this game, especially in the advertised multiplayer mode, is like trying to build a house of cards during an earthquake. It's not just buggy; it's fundamentally broken on a level that suggests "quality assurance" was just a phrase they saw on a poster once. My entire shop's inventory—hours of progress—vanished after a save and reload. My friends' quest logs completely desynced from reality. The advertised Steam Inventory integration? Might as well be a myth; it has no function in the game. And the game crashes more often than a toddler on a sugar high. This isn't an Early Access game finding its feet; this is a technical disaster.
The Gameplay From Hell
Even if, by some miracle, the game worked perfectly, what you're left with is a core loop of pure, uncut tedium. Why are customers constantly throwing trash all over my floor? And why the hell do I have to pick up every single piece of garbage one by one and slowly walk it to a bin? It's not gameplay; it's digital janitorial work. The controls are clunky and unintuitive, the progression is a slow, joyless grind, and the entire experience feels designed to waste as much of your time as possible for as little reward as possible. It's a hollow, boring shell of a game.
The Verdict
This isn't a game; it's a symptom of a disease plaguing Steam. It's a low-effort, AI-slop cash grab that exists only to prey on unsuspecting players who don't know the better, original game exists. It's a cynical, broken, and ugly mess. The overwhelmingly positive reviews it has are a mystery that rivals the Bermuda Triangle; either these people have never played a good video game in their lives, or there's some serious "cashback for a five-star review" bullshit going on.
Do not buy this game. Do not support developers who operate like this. Go buy the original. Go play anything else. Your time and your money are worth infinitely more than this digital garbage.
Score: 1.0/10 - An insult to simulators, card games, and your intelligence.
We at NLM received a key for this game for free, this however didn't impact our review in any way.